I just can't believe the shit that I have to put up with on a daily basis. Here are a few of the meaningless issues that I have had to be involved in this week that kept me from the REAL business at hand:
1. There is the woman with the never ending stories about her health. This week it is liver function problems. This usually turns into a conversation about the various tests that she is going to have to have and somehow always turns to her tiny little stomach.
2. A woman from another hospital keeps trying to tell on me to the big boss but what she doesn't understand is that I AM FUCKING PROTECTED. I ain't going anywhere unless the FBI says so BITCH.
3. My FBI field agent says that I'm doing great in this job. He has access to my e-mail here at Hospital World so all he sees are my very professional directives and responses. I have to review my progress with him weekly. What he doesn't know is that I have pre-paid phones for my peeps that are working with me on the side. Do you guys really think Lola has just been busy at work and that's why you aren't hearing from her much? No way - she's been working it on the streets at night. I actually put her in charge of the other girls so she doesn't have to turn tricks herself. She seems happy about it cuz she's always singing those damn TV theme songs.
4. Captain Sharky has already gotten involved in some of the stuff happening in the hospital before he started orientation. I'm kind of glad to see that he is on the blotter acid again because sober, he was getting a little nosy. I'm afraid he's going to bust up the poker ring. He is still concerned that Buckethead has some kind of disease that is going to infect his Cheetos but I don't really think he needs to worry since everyone has been sprayed and innoculated recently.
5. Buckethead keeps bitching about her eye. Get over it already! She hasn't even answered the 8 ball questions yet. People are waiting on those to proceed with their lives and she's got money to "clean".
6. There is a whole list of people on the payroll that I'm not sure exist because I haven't seen them since my first day. If one of them wasn't HR chick, I'd be all over it but I'll worry about that later.
7. I just found out that I HAVE to hold this Gung Ho My Ass meeting. I can't get out of it. My FBI agent said that it would look bad if I didn't do it because the people in the company just blindly follow the rules. I will stick out like a sore thumb if I don't do it. Whatever - I need to lay low to cover the gambling and prostitution that I have set up. I'm bringing in some serious cash lately and may even be able to get some gold teeth for my kids soon.
8. Buckethead has been running around without shoes and trying to pretend that she's wearing nude colored ones. I don't really care about the shoes so much as I'm concerned she's hitting the acid with Sharky because she was convinced that she WAS wearing nude shoes. I'm gonna have to watch that since she knows where the stash is.
I sure hope that Captain Sharky doesn't locate my hiding place for the money and drugs. I can't keep it at home because the FBI would surely notice. I was a little worried about that unacrapper kid but thanks to Buckethead he was distracted with marathon bars and passwords to the computer - close one!
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